A " single" life

I often heard people saying their marriages are " Dull " ,  but for me that is a blessing and happiness.

However my first marriage was like a yacht sailing across the ocean in the dark through unpredictable waters…….Can’t resist the threat of anger from the nature. When the wind is strong and the waves are mad , there is no escape.
After surviving raw fear ….you get a few moment of peace and tranquillity  to ready yourself for the next challenge.
Day after day, year after year,  my energy is not limitless, it will eventually run out.
Mother gave me the concept ‘ Be faithful to your husband unto death" , since I was young , everything in my life was credited to " Fate" , but fate became a curse following me all my life and can’t get rid off it.
I complained to mother  sometimes and the answer was always the same " It’s your fate, deal with it , it will get better when you are older “
There was no divorce in my Wu clan, if I became the instigator , I would bring shame on my parents, and my pride was also telling me that I cannot lose face. My husband knew that was my weak point. I allowed him
unbridled control and he  he kept challenging me. He also knew that for the kids sake and keeping the peace at home I have no choice other than to put up with it. That included his none stopped affairs and for me having to tidy up the mess in between him and all his discarded lovers.
When I was pregnant with my second baby, he applied for another job and the new job in the hospital  gave him more freedom, this allowed him even more of a " single" life.

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