The pain begins to ease with each passing mile. I want to tell my Mom……” I’m sorry I have failed I lost the battle I am defeated by my marriage" but I can’t tell them.
My Mother was a very traditional Taiwanese woman, she was educated in the way of Japanese woman during their occupation of Taiwan. She was quiet, spoke softly and not once did hear her raise her voice. Her compassionate nature often lead others to think she was weak, but in fact she was the exact opposite, she was strong willed and had a steely determination to quietly go about doing what she thought was the right thing to do. I think I have inherited her determination and strength to absorb and hide my painful marriage. 23 Years and very few people on this earth know the truth of my marriage.
Returning to my mother’s house, my home, I feel I just want to rush to her arms and cry to release all the anguish, pain and suffering, it would help me, but I can’t hand some of my burden to my Mom, she does not deserve that, I know how much it would hurt her, I can’t do that!
I spend a full week at my Mom’s resting and recovering, then as I lay upstairs, I heard a knocking at the front door, my blood ran cold, I just knew.
My elder sister opened the door and I could hear her raised voice “how could you do this to my sister, your wife, how can you abuse her in this heartless way”
I could hear everything through the wood floor of the Japanese house. For a moment there was silence, then I heard my mother’s soft tones “you are respected medical doctor with high education at your age and background you should know how to control your temper, you are irrational, it’s time you changed”
There was a pause, the “Yes, I will Mom" Then, the sound of heavy steps coming up the narrow wooden stairs, it was like being trapped in a horror movie, but this was not fiction, my heat was thumping and racing thought it was going to burst out of my body,……………… why won’t he leave me alone?
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